The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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