apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
