YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
