brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
