You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
