Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
