weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
