things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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