I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
When are your genitals available?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
