Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
