I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
