So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
