i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
