I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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