its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
