If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
