why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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