Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
