Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
