I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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