Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
