Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
