The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
