i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
