someone threw a dead crab at me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize