He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
