I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
