I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
