this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
