just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
