so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
