I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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