if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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