There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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