This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
