if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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