You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
