go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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