i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize