FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
