Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
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