lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
