You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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