wakey wakey hands off snakey
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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