I want to stick my p in your. b.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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