Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
