I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The uberlube is also flammable
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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