Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
