im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
