Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
