A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
