I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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