Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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