So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
