Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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