So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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