3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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