NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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