O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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