why didn't you poke me back
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize