I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
