so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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