I just cut my nipple shaving
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
