i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
