Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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