I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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