He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
