The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
