I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
