you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
