So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
