I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
