I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
