Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize