Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
