So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
