I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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