Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
