You're my little dorito
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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