Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she smelled like a LAN party
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
