covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
